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Why her? – Healing the Judgment Wound

Updated: Oct 7, 2022

I could never quite understand why I feared the opinions of others so much. It made me question myself before doing ANYTHING that brought me joy or stretched my comfort zone. If I was about to share a post or picture on social media…I would run it through the fictitious minds of others trying to imagine if what I was about to share was okay, and hoping that it wouldn’t provoke an opinion or judgment. About to hit the dance floor with friends, I’d be wondering if I’m over dressed or underdressed and what others must be thinking of me dancing. (As cool as my moves are!) Going on stage to sing, which back then was my paid career for many years, I’d be too scared to look at audience members in case I pick up on ‘judgy eyes’ or if anyone is speaking amongst themselves, because surely they MUST be speaking about me?! Going for a promotion or starting a new business, what if people think I’m just doing it for the money or showing off? What if it’s not a success and I fail? Ordering a soft drink when others are drinking wine, ordering a pizza when others are eating salad. The fear of someone asking “why” made me need to know what they were ordering first, so I could then decide what I would have. Less chance of being questioned or feeling judged. The list goes on, and on, and on. When you are in a situation where you feel you could be open to receiving judgment or criticism, it causes alarm bells to go off in your mind and makes you doubt yourself, procrastinate, put things to one side and say it’s not for me and even quit. Why? Protection. Your mind wants you to avoid it at all costs because you’ve experienced it at some point in the past and it was uncomfortable, humiliating or possibly painful. The problem with fearing judgment and avoiding situations or people, is it makes you feel miserable because you KNOW there’s more inside of you that wants to live an authentic, fulfilled and successful life. When I was training to do my Time Line Therapy qualification, we had to practice client sessions and I got to sit in the client seat . Although I had already achieved a certain level of success in my careers and relationships – there was a deep niggle around fearing judgment I couldn’t seem to shift even though I had done mindset work on it, read numerous books, meditated daily and practiced affirmations. During the Time Line Therapy session, a memory came up that I was completely unaware of consciously. I was about age 6 and the primary school annual play had been announced in assembly, it was there the teacher read out I had been chosen to play Cinderella. I was so excited and the girls who were going to be playing the ‘ugly sister’s’ were really close friends (BFF’s IDST, if you know you know!) We were going to do the play together, we got so giddy. The experience that came up during the TL Therapy that caused the first imprint of judgment was when our parents came to pick us up from school and I overheard heard one of my best friends mums say to our teacher “why has Carol-Ann been chosen to be Cinderella? And my daughter is an ugly sister?!” In that moment, little did I know or even consciously remember, a seed was imprinted that stayed with me for over 20 years. The Judgment Wound was formed. Why should I get to do something special? Why was I chosen? What about everyone else? Why me? Am I good enough? Others are more worthy and capable than I am. That judgment from a parent that I overheard as a child created a long lasting story in my mind. One that held me back and made me so uncomfortable, I’m so glad it never fully stopped me from still going after what I loved. But wow did it leave a lasting negative voice in my head that questioned if I’m good enough and never felt worthy of success. Having released that, I’m now free to share what I want on social media and I bloody love a good dance on the dance floor. If people are looking, I will invite them to join me! I eat and drink what I want and I’m able to to wear what I want without questioning if others will think it’s suitable. I now earn the money I know I am worthy of for the powerful services I offer. Healing the judgment wound enabled me double my income within 18 months. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and if you feel there’s something deep down that needs shifting, reach out. It’s a heavy wound to carry and one that can be released so you are free to be your whole self. Join the Warrior Academy Here Call me on 07763 599570 Join me on Facebook Follow me on Twitter

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