When you FINALLY discover that something that sets your soul on fire, it makes you want to grab a mega-phone and yodel about it from the nearest roof top. It feels like a new, exhilarating door has been opened. You just KNOW that your life is changing for the better. It only feels right to want to share the good stuff with your nearest and dearest. Family, friends, neighbours, postman; pretty much anyone who has ears and is willing to listen. … right? Here’s the thing. You’re quickly slapped in the face by the reality that those who you thought would be your biggest cheerleaders, well, they aren’t. It’s not like they even smiled and humoured you, as you began to gush about your new-found passion project or business. It’s as if they suddenly morphed into some pessimistic life professor, who has NOTHING remotely good to say on the matter. Insisting they point out ALL of the potential hazards and dangers you WILL face on this new, (and now what seems) impossible journey. You have had your parade well and truly peed on.
All you’re left with is a list of reasons why it just won’t work for you, hurling around your mind. I’ve heard some corkers when it comes to reasons why you SHOULD NOT start a new passion project or business/career. “If you earn more money, you’ll end up in the next tax bracket, then you’re screwed” “What goes up, must come down” “Just because it’s worked for them, it doesn’t mean it will work for you” “You’ll end up brain washed doing all that mindset stuff” “Good things can’t last forever” The list goes on.
I have always been multi- passionate and had a strong interest in business from a young age. At age seven, I was creating weekly magic shows and charging the family and neighbours an admission fee to watch. Oh, and I insisted my mum bought biscuits for the interval, then charged everyone 20p per biscuit. Genius don’t you think? By the time I was 25, I built an international Network Marketing business very much part-time, that turned over quarter of a million pound in the first 12 months (much to most people’s dismay) whilst co-creating a limited company that sold products and services to support children’s and adult’s mental health. I’m now a Life Coach and Business Mentor, a huge part of my work is helping people release these limiting beliefs and blocks that have been programmed into them. I can openly say, I too have been at the receiving end of the dreary, fear based, close minded rants from others. From those who were close to me and from people I have never even met. But WHY do the ones you love and respect have the harshest opinions and doubts when it comes to supporting you on your new and exciting adventures?
Why don’t your closest celebrate your success?
It’s very simple – it’s fear. But, what do they fear?
that they may lose you
they will get left behind
it will make them look bad
What I have discovered over the past 10 years of being a self-employed entrepreneur is that if the person in question can’t imagine themselves doing what you are doing, they instantly reject it. To them, it seems unfamiliar and dangerous. Therefore, it must be dangerous for you too.
Fear effects people in different ways, especially when it is something that is out of their control. Now it’s important to recognise that they don’t mean to hurt you. They may not be consciously aware of the pain and inner conflict they have caused you. And if they did, they believe they are doing it to protect you. They will believe they have your best interests at heart. Don’t get me wrong, this does not let them off the hook or make an excuse for their often painful words and behaviours. It can, however, shed a little light on why some people act how they do.
Change is a constant in life, yet us humans just aren’t a fan of it! We are creatures of habit. When people are faced with a change that they can’t control, well, they will try to do all that they can to unarm the situation and get things back to ‘normal’. But for yourself, just that knowing that deep down, they are coming from a place of fear on their part, will help you to stay focused on where you are going and what is important to you. Something that helped me at the early stages of my transition from employed to self-employed was this; ‘Your friends are in your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime’ This helped me to realise that it is ok to release any unnecessary toxic relationships from my life. What’s important is focusing on the bigger picture and those who are supportive or at least understanding!
If you do find yourself in a situation where a friend, colleague or loved one isn’t as on board with your passion or new direction, my advice would be:
Share with them what you feel you must, no more, no less. Refrain if you can, telling them every detail of the high’s and lows in the beginning whilst you are finding your feet. They can’t see what you can see. They don’t know your true potential.
Take their words of advice with, let’s say, a pinch of salt. Don’t take what they say to heart.
Don’t look to others for validation, as you might not receive what you were hoping for. Then what? Choose to be your own source of validation. Follow your inner guidance system and those who have done similar to what you are doing. Model the experts.
Find, or create, a new circle of like-minded friends or join a support network. There are many people out there, just like yourself, who want to share ideas, inspiration, wins and lessons with like-minded people.
Let your success and happiness be a beacon of light. Just as a lighthouse does, shine your light and be proud of it. Just remember that a lighthouse doesn’t take its light to the boats, the boats follow the light.
Carol-Ann 07763 599570 email@example.com